Contentment
Happiness For Others Comes From Contentment With Yourself
Why do we have such a hard time being happy for others? It is something I have struggled with over the years, and I recognize much of my resentment towards others’ success has been a result of my own insecurities.
Back when we were really floundering, my wife and I were friends with several couples who made much more money than us. They lived in huge houses in the best neighborhood in town, drove nice cars, and took luxurious vacations. We had little in common, except for the church group the moms were members of - MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers).
My wife and I often confided to each other that we always felt a little out of place at Christmas parties and other social events hosted by these wealthy couples. My “out of touch” feelings began to fester, and soon I was downright jealous. Why couldn’t I land a great job and earn as much money as them? Why couldn’t we afford a bigger house, and a nicer car?
Fortunately, as part of my financial turnaround, I finally came to terms with what I was feeling. Turns out I wasn’t so much jealous of the “Joneses” as I was unhappy with my own situation. My resentment for others’ success was born from my own lack of success, and I ultimately only had myself to blame.
There was another angle to this I had not considered before this time of reflection. What if those couples were up to their eyeballs in debt? They probably had a huge mortgage payment, two car payments and credit card debt higher than my annual income. After all, outward appearances can be deceiving. Is that really what I was after? Or would I be more content with a modest home, paid-for cars, and the freedom that comes from not carrying any debt. The choice was obvious.
It was at this point that I went through sort of an early mid-life crisis. Up to that point I had been fast-tracking the career ladder, having started literally on the bottom rung and made my way to middle management. Of course, the promotions often meant more headaches, more travel and not much more money. I came to a point in my life where I would gladly give up the late nights, Saturday mornings and two week cross-country trips for more time with my wife and kids.
Sure, we would probably not make as much money as those “rich” friends of ours, but we would be wealthy in other ways. So in March of 2004 we relocated, left the financial industry and found more meaningful work. Now, I make significantly more in a year than I did in those days, thanks to my new career and my side hustles. Aside from a few nice things we enjoy, we still live a modest lifestyle by most standards.
I find it much easier to be happier for others now, if they are truly happy. If I discover they are unhappy with their inflated lifestyles, and are merely working for the trappings of the rich and famous, then I feel a little sorry for them. I hope over time they will break free from the grips of materialism so that they can discover what is really meaningful to them. Maybe it is more time with their family, or more time to volunteer to a cause they believe in, or maybe just more time out on a boat fishing. Whatever it is, I hope they find it so I can truly be happy for them.
Post from: Frugal Dad
The New Frugality is Contentment
The ongoing debate over money versus value popped it’s head up recently in a recent article about a Time magazine cover photo that netted the photographer $30 instead of the $3000 that others felt he should have received.
“Who is the IDIOT that is happy he got paid $30 for a TIME cover? I have had TWO EDITORIAL TIME FRONT COVER STORIES and I can tell you that once the money runs out YOU CAN”T BLOODY EAT THE MAGAZINE!“
However it as much as some people may not like the amount of money that photographer Robert took he looks at it from a different perspective.
“yes. I am happy.”
“I will frame it”
I have to say that I found Robert’s response to the criticism that he didn’t get enough money for his photo refreshing. He found contentment in the agreement that he would take $30 for his photo and receive the recognition that comes from a Time magazine cover.
So many times we find contentment in something, no matter the price until we find out that price went down or a newer model came out that is the same price. We no longer have that contentment because we are always looking for that cheaper, newer, or paying better something that is waiting around the corner.
So often we don’t put value to items around us no matter the cost unless it is something we lost from our past; like a classic car, an antique dresser or favorite toy that was found again at a yard sale. It seems that we are looking around and what else is out there that we might like better that we forget what we have in our hands to appreciate and make last.
In a way, we can act like little children who are content with a toy until they see something shinier in another child’s hands and immediately the toy is tossed down as they go after what looks better.
When I read his response to price he got and the price he could have asked for it, I was reminded of a bible story/parable about a Landowner looking for field workers. If you will oblige me I will post the story below (Matthew 20:1-15):
“For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire men to work in his vineyard. He agreed to pay them a denarius for the day and sent them into his vineyard.
“About the third hour he went out and saw others standing in the marketplace doing nothing. He told them, ‘You also go and work in my vineyard, and I will pay you whatever is right.’ So they went.
“He went out again about the sixth hour and the ninth hour and did the same thing. About the eleventh hour he went out and found still others standing around. He asked them, ‘Why have you been standing here all day long doing nothing?’
” ‘Because no one has hired us,’ they answered.
“He said to them, ‘You also go and work in my vineyard.’
“When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, ‘Call the workers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last ones hired and going on to the first.’
“The workers who were hired about the eleventh hour came and each received a denarius. So when those came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also received a denarius. When they received it, they began to grumble against the landowner. ‘These men who were hired last worked only one hour,’ they said, ‘and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the work and the heat of the day.’
“But he answered one of them, ‘Friend, I am not being unfair to you. Didn’t you agree to work for a denarius? Take your pay and go. I want to give the man who was hired last the same as I gave you. Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?’
I have to say I am guilty many times of not appreciating my own things and looking for something better because I compare myself to others and it doesn’t seem fair. I need to stop. Think. And remember why I chose what I have and make it last as long as possible.
The new frugality isn’t just saving money, it is being content with what we have and remembering why we appreciated it in the first place.
Copyright © Frugal for Life. All rights reserved.
This feed is for personal, non-commercial use only. Publishing this feed’s content on any web site besides Frugal for life is strictly prohibited.
Weekly Roundup - Living On Nothing Edition
Did you hear about the guy that lives on nothing? No seriously, he lives on zero dollars a day. Meet Daniel Suelo, who lives in a cave outside Moab, Utah. Suelo has no mortgage, no car payment, no debt of any kind. He also has no home, no car, no television, and absolutely no “creature comforts.” But he does have a lot of creatures, as in the mice and bugs that scurry about the cave floor he’s called home for the last three years.
To us, Suelo probably sounds a little extreme. Actually, he probably sounds very extreme. After all, I suspect most of you reading this are doing so under the protection of some sort of man-made shelter, and with some amount of money on your person, and probably a few needs for money, too. And who doesn’t need money unless they have completely unplugged from the grid? Still, it’s an amusing story about a guy who rejects all forms of consumerism as we know it.
The Frugal Roundup
How to Brew Your Own Beer and Maybe Save Some Money. A fantastic introduction to home brewing, something I’ve never done myself, but always been interested in trying. (@Generation X Finance)
Contentment: A Great Financial Principle. If I had to name one required emotion for living a frugal lifestyle it would be contentment. Once you are content with your belongings and your lot in life you can ignore forces attempting to separate you from your money. (@Personal Finance by the Book)
Use Energy Star Appliances to Save On Utility Costs. I enjoyed this post because it included actual numbers, and actual total savings, from someone who upgraded to new, energy star appliances. (@The Digerati Life)
Over-Saving for Retirement? Is it possible to “over-save” for retirement? Yes, I think so. At some point I like the idea of putting some money aside in taxable investments outside of retirement funds, to be accessed prior to traditional retirement age. (@The Simple Dollar)
40 Things to Teach My Kids Before They Leave Home. A great list of both practical and philosophical lessons to teach your kids before they reach the age where they know everything. I think that now happens around 13 years-old. (@My Supercharged Life)
Index Fund Investing Overview. If you are looking for a place to invest with high diversification and relatively low fees (for broader index funds with low turnover), index funds are a great place to start. (@Money Smart Life)
5 Reasons To Line Dry Your Laundry. My wife and I may soon be installing a clothesline in our backyard. In many neighborhoods they are frowned upon - one of the reasons I don’t like living in a neighborhood. I digress. One of our neighbors recently put up a clothesline, and we might just follow his lead. (@Simple Mom)
A Few Others I Enjoyed
- 4 Quick Tips for Getting Out of a Rut
- Young and Cash Rich
- Embracing Simple Style
- First Trading Experience With OptionsHouse
- The Exponential Power of Delayed Consumption
- How Much Emergency Fund is Enough?
- 50 Questions that Will Free Your Mind
- Save Money On Car Insurance
Carnivals I Participate In Recently
- The Festival of Frugality Stops at Go Frugal
- Carnival of Pecuniary Delights
- Carnival of Money Stories
Post from: Frugal Dad
Becoming Content With My Career
My favorite post of the week, titled The Path to Contentment, sings to me. It comes from Frugal Dad who writes about a shift in thinking caused by a series of events in his life and the lives of those around him. Faced with the notion of mortality Frugal Dad has started to focus more and more on his life and less and less on his career.
It’s unfortunate that many of us have to encounter tragedy or near tragedy to come to this realization, but the notion of mortality is so powerful that it will both lift your soul and free your mind. Suddenly you realize that all of the things that seemed to matter, like owning nice things and succeeding in the corporate world, actually aren’t very important at all.
I encountered my own brush with death a few years ago and I have never looked at life the same way since. Although my work situation is not ideal, I have become content with my job. I stay at my job because it provides me with the flexibility my health still requires and for the time being that is all I need in a career.
Weekly Roundup - The Enough Diet Edition
Week one of the “Enough Diet” is in the books, and I’m pleased to announce as of this morning I’ve dropped about five pounds. I inadvertently kicked off the Enough Diet when I wrote about having enough last week. I decided I would apply the same feeling of contentment to food that I have tried to apply to material things over the last couple years.
The beauty of the Enough Diet is its simplicity. I literally eat anything I want, but only until I’ve had enough. That means no downing an entire bag of M&Ms, or polishing off a 20oz. Coca Cola in one sitting. Now I might just have a small handful of M&Ms, and pour about 6oz. of Coca Cola to enjoy with my dinner. That’s just enough.
The Fab Five
What Money Can’t Buy. We talk a lot about money here, but this article is a great reminder that there are so many more important things in life that cannot be bought with any amount of money. (@ Marc and Angel Hack Life)
Why I Pick Stocks: Choosing Individual Stocks Over Mutual Funds. In the past, I’ve shied away from picking individual stocks as part of my overall investing plan. I did manage to make a little money with a speculative pick right out of college, but I lost any profit trying to recreate it through a number of bad picks. (@ The Digerati Life)
One Of Life’s Greatest Contradictions: Learn To Love What You Hate. Ah, this one really spoke to me! I prepared most of these links the night before and I was really dreading my workout. I literally read this article, paused the roundup post and hit the weights. (@ My Super-Charged Life)
The Savings Account, The Spending Account & The Charity Account. The “giving” gift card idea shared here is brilliant! What a wonderful way to encourage our kids to become givers. (@ My Life ROI)
Get Out of Debt: Give Up Your Favorites. Getting out of a large hole of debt takes an unbelievable amount of sheer will and perseverance. The first step is the acknowledgment of the things you must give up to get there. (@ No Debt Plan)
Best of the Rest
- Closing on Our First Rental Property
- Oh Crap! I Got Rid of Too Much Stuff!
- Want To Learn to Read Your Home’s Electric Meter?
- 8 Small Changes You Can Make to Save an Extra $100 This Month
- Improve Your Credit Score Under the New FICO Scoring
- COBRA Premium Reduction
- Investing in My SEP-IRA Account
- 7 Ways Saving Money is like Losing Weight
- Save Money with Fast Food Value Menus
Quote of the Week
I saw this one on Twitter, but unfortunately I don’t remember the author. If you can claim it, let me know:
“Who would have thought the top headlines in 2009 would be Swine Flu, pirates and tea parties.”
Strange indeed.
Post from: Frugal Dad
Weekly Roundup - Spring Break Edition
Nothing like another Spring Break vacation at home. I’ve grown weary of the term “staycation,” so I refuse to call it that this year. With all that has been going on with us personally we decided it didn’t make sense to spend the money to head out on a vacation this year. I’ve already started a vacation fund for next year though, because I don’t think my wife and kids will let us get away with another year at home!
The Fab Five
Save Money at Baseball Games. We’re headed to a spring football game this weekend, and I’ll plan to apply many of these great tips. The only caveat, I’ll have to spring for a bag of spicy boiled peanuts and an ice cold Coca Cola. Sorry, but it’s a tradition! (@Lazy Man and Money)
How Do You Know When You Have Enough? I really enjoyed this post, especially the section, “Four Qualities of Enoughness.” Recognizing you have reached “enough” is a fundamental milestone in leading a frugal lifestyle. Without reaching contentment you will constantly want more and more stuff. (@My Two Dollars)
Living Your Passion: What It Takes To Be An Entrepreneur. Jeff does a powerful job of breaking down the main ingredient required - G.R.I.T. Read on to find what the letters stand for, and then act on them to live your passion. (@My Super-Charged Life)
Nine Pieces of Software I Use Every Day. I resisted using Tweetdeck until reading this endorsement from Trent. I’m glad I did. It makes following a large number of Twitter users much easier to manage. Several other nuggets in this article, too! (@The Simple Dollar)
Taking Control of Your Life By Finding Balance. Enjoyed this article and the ideas presented, particularly the part about creating boundaries. I need to do a better job of compartmentalizing my life - work, home, blogging, instead of allowing these things to bleed over into one another.(@Money Smart Life)
Best of the Rest
Frugal Entertainment Rule: You Must Try Redbox
Your Home Office: Ideas To Set Up Your Place of Work
Six Conversational Habits to Ditch Today
Get Your Emergency Fund In Place Now
How Long Does It Take Your Broker to Answer Your Call?
12 Things Every Teenager Needs To Know About Money (And How To Teach Them)
How To Get Rich By Choosing The Right House
The 80/20 Rule and How it Applies to You
Site of the Week
Repair Pal. This week I have had to get some work done on my 19 year-old van. There’s a point where parts are cheaper the older the vehicle gets, and then the curve starts to go up again as things are harder to find. Fortunately, it is a GMC van, and the 1990-1995 parts are still pretty easy to find. RepairPal.com provides estimates for the most frequent repair jobs for your particularl model. The estimates are broad, but it should give you a reference point to help determine if your mechanic is giving you the shaft.
Post from: Frugal Dad
Weekly Roundup - Financial Literacy Edition
April is Financial Literacy Month, and this year we need to really emphasize the importance of it more than ever. If you notice, I’ve been featuring a number of “kids and money” themed guest posts and advertisers because I believe educating our youth in the world of personal finances is our best shot at righting this economic ship. After all, this will all be our childrens’ and grandchildrens’ mess to inherit someday - let’s hope they do a better job than we did.
You may notice a couple new additions to the weekly roundups. In addition to the “Fab Five” and “Best of the Rest” links, I also plan to mention a “Website Discovery of the Week” and some “Frugal Odds and Ends.” I’m on the receiving end of many emails from people passing along great information, but it does not always fit in a post. I’ll start mentioning the most helpful or interesting finds here.
The Fab Five
Rethinking the American Dream. “Freedom from want” is something we should all stop and reflect on. What exactly does it mean? It boils down to contentment - being happy with the things we have and who we are. As Ron eloquently puts it, “We need to transition from buying and having to being and doing.” Well said. (@The Wisdom Journal)
Making a Choice and Moving On. Often times we are paralyzed by the various options a major decision presents to us. Back in 2004 I decided to leave my job, my hometown, sell our house and relocate for a new beginning (all this while my wife was in her final trimester of pregnancy with our son). It was a stressful time, but we analyzed the decision, made the decision and moved on. I’m glad we did. (@Brip Blap)
7 Ways to Attack Your Monday Morning Stress. And I thought the only way to eliminate “Monday Morning Stress” was to quit your day job. Thankfully, Sara has provided some excellent tips for making Mondays feel a little less like…well…Mondays. I plan to put these in to practice Tuesday through Friday, too! (@On Simplicity)
What Fourth-Graders “Know” About Money. I really enjoyed this post from a teacher who returned to the classroom in the hopes he could share some real-world experience with young people. Turns out, kids think a lot like us adults when it comes to subjects like money, debt and advertising. (@Get Rich Slowly)
The Hows and Whys of Our Car Purchase: A 2009 Toyota Prius. This may not sound like a newsworthy post - just another blogger sharing his story about buying a car. Then you might ask why it has attracted nearly 200 comments. Well, probably because it was a new car, and in the world of personal finance blogging that is a Cardinal sin. I’m sure you know how I feel about it - good for Trent. He thoroughly analyzed the decision, took into account generous new car financing options and incentives, environmental (and personal budget) impact, etc. Would I buy a new car? Maybe. Probably not. But why excoriate someone else for choosing how to spend his money? (@The Simple Dollar)
Best of the Rest
- 3 ½ Steps You Can Take To Eliminate Money Fights With Your Love Bunny. *Congratulations are in order for Jeremy…on March 31st he became a new dad!
- 12 Ways to Generate Extra Income
- 6 Ways To Lower Your Phone Bill
- How We Judge Success Determines Our Happiness
- Living In a Small Home: The Pros and Cons of Downsizing Our House
- What Is The Value of An Hour?
- Are Vanguard Mutual Funds Getting Expensive?
- Save Money on Medicine
- Investor’s Tax Guide 2009
Website Discovery of the Week
KidsMealDeals.com. While I don’t recommend eating out often, we do try to budget for a meal or two out per month because let’s face it, who wants to cook every single night of the week? Besides, eating out is as much about the experience as it is the food. So if you are eating out on a budget like us, take a look at KidsMealDeals.com for restaurants that offer “meal deals” to kids on particular nights of the week. Thanks to ThriftyParents for retweeting this one.
Frugal Odds and Ends
Talk money with Jean Chatzky. Jean Chatzky, financial editor of NBC’s “Today” show, and columnist for the New York Daily News, is hosting a financial Q&A Event today, Thusday April 2, 2009 at 3:00pm. Click the link for more details.
Walgreens Clinics Offer Free Medical Care for Unemployed, Uninsured Workers. Read carefully as there are a couple conditions that must be met before you can receive free care. I like the idea of these clinics popping up for routine medical care rather than waiting for hours at a doctor’s office or ER.
Post from: Frugal Dad
